:roblog::

[anton recently forwarded me this bit, which i had forgotten entirely. ver' nice.]

Living with a Writer for Dumbasses

By Rob Dalton

When the good folks at Kitchen Dick Press asked us to add a book about
living with writers to their Dumbass reference series, we were delighted. We
have been addicts of the Kitchen Dick oeuvre for years. Where would our
marriage be without "Living with a Pain Pill Junky for Dumbasses," "Crushing
Ennui for Dumbasses," and my favorite, "So You Need a New Liver!" What could
be more therapeutic and fun than explicating our day-to-day neuroses?

Why not a living with writers book written so that the information is
easy to find and read? Why not a living with writers book that covers
everything from "acting out" to "zip drive"? A book with humor, awe, and
that warm, fuzzy feeling-like you get after a fifth gin and tonic on a
rainy, shitty, dull mid-morning? Yes! That would be a book that writers who
live with roommates, parents, or even lovers, and their roommates, parents,
or lovers would love!

"Living with a Writer for Dumbasses" will answer your questions. It will
give you advice on who to call if your writer sets his printer on fire and
throws it off the balcony. It will catch your attention with bits of
information, like the fact that your writer's seemingly arbitrary bouts of
taut contrariness are probably not about you! It will show both sides of
controversial topics, like "I don't need you to be so god damn supportive."
But most of all, we want this book to make you smile, sigh, or wonder at the
words that come out of people's faces.

This is a book you can curl up with on a rainy, shitty, dull day, and
find out just a little bit more about what might incline a writer to tend
toward certain behaviors. And we talked the publisher into including clumps
of blank pages here and there so you can jot down observations, phone
numbers, and hateful notes. Let us introduce you to our five parts.

Part 1: What Is Meant by "Leave Me Alone, I'm Creating" focuses on those
first questions everyone has when the idea (or the reality) of the writer in
the house takes over. It will help you choose, check out, and welcome this
new member of your household.

Part 2: Waiting on the Masterpiece takes you right up close to the writer.
With a detective's magnifying glass, you'll look at the writer from behind,
as he/she sits slumped over his/her keyboard. You'll look at the affects of
all types of stimulus-from loving encouragement to bitter taunting-and the
resulting communication (audible and otherwise).

Part 3: Caring for Your (and His/Her) Wounded Self Respect gets to the
day-to-day "living with a writer" concerns like food, home furnishings and
decorating, pandering to feelings of worthlessness, basic psychology, a
little sex, travel, and some insights into death.

Part 4: What to Do with Vomit is the grooming and health care section. Here
you'll go into the "publishing" ring, the creative and artistic sphere, and
the world of the volunteer.

Part 5: More than You Wanted to Know! is for the extra-inquisitive mind.
You'll learn how to substitute catnip for marijuana, fix the split
infinitive, and make a double-barreled shotgun inoperable.

So there you have it! We think you'll love the insight, speculation, and
riotous anecdotes in "Living with a Writer for Dumbasses." And by "we" I
mean "I." Sincere thanks to my wife Irene, who left me last year when I
didn't publish (all right, "finish") my book of short, short fiction. So we,
I mean, I will sign off now, from bed, where I hope to get to work on
"Living with a Writer for Dumbasses" any day now.

Comments

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Posted by: Michael Hays | 11/18/2008 at 17:18